There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
