i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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