just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
