got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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