Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
