I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
