Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
