cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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