Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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