I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
