She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
