I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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