hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
