i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
