I think my vagina is haunted
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the day after is always just damage control
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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