if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
