I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
