shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
