What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
