that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
