and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
