dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
