I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
