he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
