I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
