I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
