so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
