There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
