You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
