Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
