she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
