i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
