Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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