I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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