Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
