SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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