A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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