Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
