everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
