does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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