Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
