She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
