so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There r osticjed everywhere
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
