My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
