I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
