I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
