Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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