Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
