Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
