from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
