Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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