I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
