??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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