Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
