i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
