six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
