so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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