I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
