"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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