Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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