i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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