Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
